I started this online dating thing a few months ago. The deep irony of this is that while I was married I’d see commercials or hear stories from friends and say “I’m so glad I’ll never have to do that!”
Now I still don’t have to date or whatever and I actually am okay with the idea of remaining more or less single for the rest of my life. But dating seems like it could be fun and adventurous and likely hilarious so why not?
I have actually met a few awesome guys.
I have also encountered some epic, um, I’m not sure what to call it.
Pro-tip: do not, within the first few hours of exchanging messages, say you will tell me all about your parent’s health crisis while I rest my head on your chest.
Every now and then I take a peek at potential matches.
- You’re 50 and the highlight of your profile is your Marvin the Martian tattoo
- Your sole profile photo is a blurry shot of a table in a motel room
- All of your photos are nude shots that hide enough of your junk to avoid being violations of site rules while still being violations of good taste. (Also, dude, you might want to get that mole looked at…)
- One of your photos appears to be of you with your wife at your own wedding.
- One of your photos includes a stripper.
- You appear to be having a naked marshmallow roast. (Come on, the weenie roast joke was too easy)
- I’m pretty sure you posted your mug shot.
- Serial killer