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OKCupid Pro-tips

Now, this may be unreasonably high standards on my part, but I’ve recently established the following list of rules/tips regarding matches:

  • put on a damn shirt for your profile photo
  • you don’t have to have firearms in all your profile photos
  • Your tongue should not be out in every photo
  • Said tongue should also not be in the ear of a random woman in every photo
  • Spell check is a thing that exists.
  • If your second message to me includes the terms “squirting” multiple times, I will be introducing you to the NOPEtopus.
  • I suspect “no drama” = “I constantly am the center of drama due to my own actions.”
  • If you can’t manage to get a single photo in focus, I suspect we have no future.  (I’m not clear whether I mean “we” as in “the two of us” or “we” as in “the human race.”)
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